¡Qué pregunta tan cliché! A esto hemos rebajado el amor. Creo que en nuestro tiempo esta es una palabra realmente mal utilizada. En el contexto de las relaciones de noviazgo, esta pregunta a menudo carece de verdadero significado y está tan permeada de manipulación, que creo que debemos meditar al respecto.
Como cristianos, el enfoque de nuestra vida ya no gira entorno a nosotros mismos, como bien lo decía Pablo:“en otro tiempo ustedes estaban muertos en sus transgresiones y pecados, en los cuales andaban conforme a los poderes de este mundo. Se conducían según el que gobierna las tinieblas, según el espíritu que ahora ejerce su poder en los que viven en la desobediencia”. Antes vivíamos pensando en tener relaciones interpersonales que nos satisficieran, relaciones de las cuales pudiéramos sacar algún provecho. Sin embargo, ahora que estamos en Cristo y que ha llegado lo nuevo, nuestro enfoque en la vida es dar gloria a Dios (1 Corintios 10:31), ¡y eso incluye el noviazgo!
Ahora bien, mi preocupación no solo está en el hecho de ver cómo el mundo gradualmente ha permitido que sus pasiones le lleven a tomar decisiones cada vez más inmorales, sino en cómo incluso entre cristianos nos estamos permitiendo consentir esa idea. Repasemos un poco la historia.
A principios del siglo XX las relaciones se caracterizaban por el formalismo y el respeto. Si tú, hombre, querías ennoviarte con una chica, la forma en la cual podías “salir” a conocerla era estando en su casa… con sus padres. Esto permitía que ellos estuvieran involucrados en el proceso, así como cuidaban a la mujer de hombres potencialmente peligrosos. Además, era una gran idea para evitar la inmoralidad sexual. Sin embargo, con el pasar de los años, la cultura fue cambiando y con ella las formas de cortejo. Ya no era necesario estar en casa con sus padres para poder conocerla, ahora podías salir con ella a tomar un café, ir a algún restaurante, tal vez incluso al cine. En los años 60, la revolución sexual terminó convirtiendo los momentos de cortejo en oportunidades para sexo casual, incluso sin la etiqueta formal del noviazgo. Así, se desplazó la responsabilidad del compromiso que protegía el tesoro de la intimidad. Y de esta forma esa intimidad se convirtió en el objetivo del noviazgo que no tiene a Dios en el centro.
También quiero hablar acerca de cuál es el significado del amor con un suceso entre Jesús y Pedro. El contexto es totalmente diferente, pero la pregunta que le hace el Mesías a su discípulo está cargada de verdadero significado. “¿Me amas?” Es la pregunta que Jesús le hizo a Pedro. Y es la misma que muchos jóvenes le hacen a su pareja, pero para manipular sus sentimientos y buscar suplir sus deseos de forma egoísta.
Hablemos al respecto. Pedro, después de haberle dicho a Cristo que jamás lo negaría, se encuentra con que el Señor le dice que lo negará antes de que cante el gallo (Mateo 26:34). Una vez se cumple lo dicho por el Mesías, Pedro huye a causa de su vergüenza y termina haciendo lo mismo que hacía antes de conocer al Salvador: pescar.
Es en este contexto en el cual se desarrolla Juan 21. Cuando Cristo resucita, entre las muchas cosas que hace, está ir por Pedro. Lo invita a desayunar y le hace la pregunta del millón: “Pedro, ¿me amas?”. Esto tiene un significado totalmente profundo: Jesús buscaba con esa pregunta un compromisopor parte de Pedro, que él le siguiera hasta la muerte. Claramente la situación nada tiene que ver con un noviazgo, pero quiero que nos enfoquemos en la pregunta y en lo que significaba: compromiso. El noviazgo cristiano debe caracterizarse por la búsqueda del compromiso por encima de la intimidad y no por un deseo de imponerse por encima de los sentimientos de la otra persona, o de abusar de ellos para sentirse bien. Muchas relaciones interpersonales -sobre todo los noviazgos- buscan eso. Hoy en día la pregunta “¿me amas?” está repleta de manipulaciones y deseos egoístas por satisfacer necesidades emocionales y sexuales, no es una pregunta que invite al compromiso, sino a la intimidad.
Queridos lectores, como lo enseñaría el ministerio 9 marcas: “El matrimonio cristiano tiene como objetivo ser emocional y físicamente íntimo con solo un miembro del sexo opuesto (que no es un familiar inmediato), tu cónyuge. Así que elobjetivo del noviazgo/cortejo cristiano no es la intimidad inmediata, sino la intimidad futura”. La intimidad es la recompensa del compromiso, no al contrario. Un noviazgo que quiere glorificar a Cristo entiende que el compromiso es el verdadero significado del amor, y en una relación de noviazgo, la mejor forma de concretar el compromiso es con el matrimonio. No estoy diciendo que todos los noviazgos se convertirán en un matrimonio, pero sí que cada noviazgo debe iniciarse con el firme propósito de encaminarse hacia él, hacia ese ideal debemos apuntar.
Otra forma de verlo es a través del verdadero significado delamor en 1 Corintios 13. Ese amor que es paciente, y bondadoso. El amor no es envidioso ni jactancioso ni orgulloso. No se comporta con rudeza, no es egoísta, no se enoja fácilmente, no guarda rencor. El amor no se deleita en la maldad, sino que se regocija con la verdad. Todo lo disculpa, todo lo cree, todo lo espera, todo lo soporta. Un predicador una vez leyó este texto y llegó a la conclusión de que el amor son acciones, y las mismas demandan compromiso. No en vano termina Pablo su descripción del amor diciendo que éste jamás se extingue.
No tengas miedo al amor, pero no menosprecies su significado. Una relación de noviazgo no debe permitir que la intimidad supere al compromiso. Cuídate de aquel que dice que te ama cuando tiene en poca estima el matrimonio, cuídate cuando abuse de tus sentimientos, ten cuidado cuando piense en una intimidad inmediata por sobre la intimidad futura. Por eso, si alguien realmente te ama, no te pedirá que se lo demuestres a través del sexo, no te dirá que debes aislarte para solo estar con él o ella, si alguien te ama, si alguien te lo pregunta, lo hará frente al altar, poniéndote el anillo y comprometiéndose para toda la vida.
Artículo escrito por David // Redacción Purex en Español
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