Las relaciones son el “supermercado” en el que buscamos todo lo que puede saciar nuestra alma. Eres tú quien decide a dónde ir a comprar y sobretodo qué comprar. Sin embargo, puede suceder que en la caja la cuenta sea mayor de lo esperado: ¿qué pasaría si no tuvieras el dinero suficiente para pagar? Tendrías que renunciar a algo que quisieras, pero sobretodo, tendrías que afrontar la vergüenza. Así es como funciona cuando iniciamos una relación tóxica, porque al inicio todo parece ir muy bien, pero luego en caja se paga la verdadera cuenta. Se trata de relaciones en las que es difícil encontrar un equilibrio, asumir las propias responsabilidades, en las que el placer y el sufrimiento se entrelazan. Es fácil pensar que nosotros somos las víctimas en todo esto, ¿pero si fuéramos nosotros los verdugos? ¿Si fueran nuestras actitudes o los vacíos de nuestra alma los que hacen tóxica una relación?
Aquí tenemos algunas ideas para un autoanálisis. Existen diversos tipos de vínculos tóxicos, pero podemos seleccionar algunos. El primer tipo es la relación sado-masoquista: la personalidad masoquista o autodestructiva, es típica de personas que han sufrido abuso y violencia desde pequeños y que se ven atraídos por parejas sádicas. A veces logran sacar lo peor de su compañero, como si lo buscaran activamente. Según el psicólogo americano Emmanuel Hammer, el masoquista es un “depresivo que aún tiene esperanza”, probablemente alguien que a partir de su infancia aprendió que el sufrimiento es el precio que se debe pagar para mantener viva una relación. Generalmente durante la infancia tuvieron padres ausentes o que solo eran capaces de mostrar afecto en los momentos en los que estaban enfermos o en peligro. ¿La filosofía de un masoquista? Mejor sufrir con alguien que estar solo. ¿Alguna vez has pensado de esta manera? ¿Cuántas veces en cambio, has sentido alivio al herir conscientemente a alguien, sabiendo que de igual manera seguirá a tu lado, sumiso a tu parte sádica?
Al segundo tipo podemos llamarlo lucha de poder: un eterno brazo de hierro en el cual cada miembro de la pareja trata de asumir un rol dominante. Una de las características de este tipo de relaciones es la dificultad para decir “basta”, a pesar de que se ha convertido ya en una relación desesperante y conflictiva a causa de las experiencias depresivas latentes. El sentimiento más fácil de exteriorizar en este caso es la rabia, descargando la responsabilidad de las fallas de la relación sobre el otro. Este tipo de relación tóxica puede encontrarse a menudo en familias en las que los padres deciden seguir juntos solo “por los hijos”.
Finalmente están los que se enamoran de la persona equivocada: a menudo la otra persona no es en absoluto la correcta, a veces porque ya está involucrada en otra relación. Otras veces somos nosotros los que estamos rotos y buscamos oxígeno para nuestro corazón. Un desperdicio de energía con la esperanza de cambiarse a uno mismo o a la otra persona, con la ilusión de que un día se alcanzará la felicidad. Para esta categoría no hay mejor respuesta que el libro “Elecciones al estado puro” que pronto publicará Purex Culture.
Estas categorías, junto con la dependencia afectiva, están entre las principales fuentes de toxicidad en las relaciones y a menudo nos involucramos en ellas porque nuestra alma es un depósito de recuerdos, incluso aquellos traumáticos. Estos nos impulsan a adoptar comportamientos y a tomar decisiones potencialmente tóxicas para nosotros y las personas que nos rodean si no se afrontan y superan a tiempo. ¡Busca en profundidad las raíces tóxicas en tu corazón, pide ayuda y erradícalas! Muchas veces somos nosotros los victimarios de nosotros mismos, pero hasta que no abramos los ojos para mirar hacia nuestro interior, no saldremos nunca de ahí.
Con esta columna solo podemos ofrecer algunas gotas de colirio para recuperar la vista, pero depende de ti salir. Puede ser que de la lista de la compra tu hayas renunciado al respeto a tu individualidad para adaptarte a los estándares que no te pertenecen, tal vez has perdido amistades y te has aislado, tal vez has perdido el control de tu vida y se lo has cedido a tu pareja, tal vez has intercambiado amor por sufrimiento creyendo hacer un buen negocio. O tal vez eres tú quien ha despojado a tu pareja de estas cosas.
Invertir en ciertas relaciones puede tener un costo que inicialmente puede parecer conveniente, pero al convertirse en tóxicas pueden resultar siendo demasiado costosas. Evalúa tus inversiones y sé la persona que quisieras tener a tu lado: gastarás más, pero valdrá la pena.
Artículo escrito por Mauro // Redacción Purex
Traducido por Jazmín // Purex Culture en Español
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